The Handbook for Pandemic Hanky-Panky
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The Handbook for Pandemic Hanky-Panky
“We live in a world that’s basically already primed for socially distant intimacy. For some, this is already a meaningful—or at least accessible—component of their sexual repertoires. For others, however, this might be a challenge. Finding new ways to think about intimacy in a socially-distant way can be a fun way to have new adventures, while simultaneously sheltering-at-home. As with anything though, make sure to keep your comfort level in mind while exploring this ‘new normal.’”
A time-tested alternative to intercourse, mutual masturbation can be a gratifying way to experience shared bliss. But unlike a group of neighbors sidling up six feet from each other in lawn chairs to drink beers, it’s pretty unlikely you live in a neighborhood in which you can meet at the end of a driveway to say hi and rub one out. Luckily, this isn’t the Spanish flu of 1918 and the wonders of technology make it much easier to share intimate moments with others from the comfort of your couch.
Phone sex has been around since Alex Bell told his assistant Watson to “come quick!” It’s a classic for many reasons. Without visual stimulus, phone sex requires imagination. With a talented partner, you can create scintillating scenarios that might be impossible to achieve physically. There is no better way to bring your fantasies to life safely.
Many of the same rules-of-thumb exist for phone sex as physical intercourse.
1. Don’t forget the foreplay!
You should take your time and warm each other up, verbally. Start slow with descriptions of gentle foreplay.
2. Use your imagination!
Think of how a romance novelist describes a scene. Include detail in your descriptions, such as the furniture in the “room” you want your partner to imagine you in, and exactly what you are wearing. These are hints and props they can use to naturally propel your conversation in a steamy direction.
3. Include all the erogenous zones!
Just like in actual sex, there are many areas of the body that require attention, and it can become boring or irritating if you become overly focused on genital stimulation. Consider how your partner might enjoy imagining you nibble an earlobe, caress the small of their back, or gently suck a nipple.
Sexting was invented exactly one nanosecond after the smartphone, and while it leaves less to the imagination, it provides more creative tools for tele-teasing a partner. Whether you choose to share dirty talk, naughty pictures, or smoldering video clips, keep in mind that whatever you send will remain in existence forever. Sending anything you wouldn’t want your mother to see should be saved for a partner you trust explicitly and preferably one you have a long relationship history with.
Don’t just dump a bunch of pictures on your partner. Start slow and keep them wanting more. The more you tease, the more you’ll get out of it, and you can stretch your interaction into days or weeks. Also, remember that sexting is a two-way street. Ask for what you need. If you’re not interested in a pic of your partner’s junk (and another pic, and another pic…), let them know you would appreciate more descriptions of activity in text form, or an audio file telling you what you’d like to hear.
There are plenty of video chat applications that are easy to use for distant intimacy in real time—Skype, Facetime, Whatsapp, Zoom. Beware though that some apps make it easier to capture video or screencaps easier than others, especially if you’re planning on playing with a new friend. And clean up your apartment.
The evolution of phone sex continues with Motorbunny LINK technology, which allows real-time, physical interaction from afar. With one touch, you can generate connection with a partner anywhere around the world. They don’t even need an app to control your Motorbunny Original or Motorbunny BUCK. Combine this with any of the social distancing sex methods above and you’ve got all the components of a truly engaging sexual interaction that is as satisfying as it is safe.
All sex is intimate, but not all intimacy is sexual. Small talk, begone. The old saying is true: The most attractive part of anyone’s body is the brain. If true intimacy is your goal, there is nothing that will forge a deeper, richer relationship than discussing what childhood was like, learning your partner’s outlook on the future, or making fantasy travel plans for when this big nasty mess is over.
“Humans are social creatures, but humans are also individuals,” explains Dr. Chauntelle. “As we all work to understand and manage this unprecedented time, it’s important to keep human connections in mind – but it’s also important to keep self-care and your individual needs in mind too. Like all things sex-related, there are plenty of opportunities for joyful, consensual exploration happening in the world right now. But just like in ‘ordinary’ times, make sure to communicate your wants and needs with your partners – and with yourself.”
In the end, any way you choose to engage in socially distant intimacy is better than risking the lives of people in your community by meeting with a partner or partners for the sake of sexual satiation. Get creative, hang in there, and be safe!
- Team Motorbunny
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