The Comprehensive Sex Party Guide - Part 3

Sex parties focus on community, enthusiastic consent, and respect. Learn how to navigate a sex party safely and without judgment.  Are you ready to explore your desires? 

In part three of the series you will learn about these topics:

1. Consent and Social Etiquette - Playing at a Play Party
2. Consent Needs to Be Enthusiastic
3. “No” or “Not right now”, is not the start of a negotiation
4. Making Moves - How to Engage at a Sex Party
5. Playing in space - Navigating a Sex Party Venue
6. Staying Safe at a Sex Party
7. Are You Ready For Your First Sex Party

Consent and Social Etiquette - Playing at a Play Party

Consent Needs to Be Enthusiastic

Party attendees expect a sense of community and respect—a place without judgment where their desires and sexuality are freely expressed. These expectations are based on consent.

Consent is an enthusiastic YES. If there is ever any doubt, that means that the consent is not there. Consent should be reinforced throughout any scene by checking in with your partner or letting them know you are still good to go. 

“No” is a complete sentence. Consent can be retracted at any time.  

Don't be ashamed or scared to say no and retract your consent. If you feel uncomfortable, you need to speak up. If you are not confident in your ability to express your consent needs, then refrain from participating in activities until you are ready.

“No” or “Not right now”, is not the start of a negotiation

A sex party is a charged environment where people are lusting after each other.  If someone tells you no, respectfully and immediately stop pursuing that person.  A “no”, or anything that isn’t a clear yes, is not an opening for negotiations.  

Sex party attendees who persist after being told no may be kicked out or not invited back.  If you feel that someone at the party is not accepting your consent, you should inform the host. 

Trust is the cornerstone of these parties, and not honoring consent can quickly erode that trust, leading to exclusion from the community. By sincerely communicating about consent and boundaries with empathy and respect, you not only build stronger connections but also enrich your sexual experiences. Being mindful and considerate enhances trust and can significantly improve your sex life.

Making Moves - How to Engage at a Sex Party

Image Source: Torture Garden

• Always ask for consent before making any moves. Don’t assume. Remember, "no" is a complete sentence.
• Keep your hands to yourself. Look, but don’t touch; unless you’ve been invited to engage. 
• Keep your hands off yourself. Masturbating at events will generally get you kicked out.  

• Observe first. Take time to watch and absorb the energy of the room. Not only will this help you get comfortable, but it will also give you insight into how scenes and dynamics work. Remember that watching with too much “enthusiasm” is frowned upon. 
• Don’t butt in: Interrupting people who are engaged in a scene or in sex takes them out of the moment.  Even if you already have a relationship, do not try to join or comment on an active scene.

Playing in space - Navigating a Sex Party Venue

The party organizers designed the space to be used for whatever kinky evening lays ahead. Some parties offer private rooms or themed play spaces, such as BDSM dungeons or medical suites. Know how to use the space before getting frisky on the furniture or in a room. 

• Respect the space: You’re expected to clean up after yourself.  There may be cleaning supplies, a hamper for solid sheets, trash cans for biohazards, and a procedure for cleaning.  Keep the environment clean so the people after you can enjoy the space.
  Leaving a mess, even if it’s an accident, is a great way to never be allowed back. Play dirty, but don’t be dirty. 
• Don’t hog the room or furniture: It’s common for a sex party to have too many people and not enough play space, especially for the fun furniture most people don’t have in their bedrooms.  Limit your time to be courteous of the other attendees. The venue may have a sign up timesheet and strict time limits. 
• Ask about private spaces: You probably won’t be allowed to have a closed room to yourself. The hosts want to keep people safe by keeping an eye on activities, and part of attending is getting to watch the action. If your event has private spaces remember the door rule - if it's closed don’t enter, if the door is left ajar, you may enter - don’t interrupt, don’t join in on the scene unless invited, just observe quietly.

Staying Safe at a Sex Party

Safety is one of the most critical aspects of any play party. This includes physical, emotional, and social safety.

Before

• Bring a friend or your partner: If it’s your first time, attending with someone you trust can help ease nerves and provide additional security.
• Tell a friend where you’re going.  If you don’t have anyone in your life, Kasbh Safe is an option for individuals to have the peace of mind they are not alone.

During

• Respect boundaries: Both yours and others. If someone violates your comfort level or refuses to honor your boundaries, speak to the host immediately. Don’t hesitate to speak up if something feels off. Hosts and organizers are there to ensure everyone's safety and enjoyment.
• Don’t get wasted: While some events allow alcohol, overindulgence is highly discouraged. Being too drunk or high will likely get you removed. 

You may think you want that social lubricant or shot of courage.  However, these spaces are inherently stimulating, it’s a rush just being there.  This isn’t a normal night out, so act accordingly and keep vigilant. 

• Stay hydrated: Always bring water with you. Long hours and physical activities can quickly dehydrate you.
• Take breaks. Remember you don’t have to live all your kinks out in one night. If you are enjoying the lifestyle, there is always another event. 

After

• Reflect on your experience. These are heightened spaces, and coming down from an intense sexual encounter is part of the journey.  You may go through different emotions after the event such as relief, shame, guilt, excitement, or anxiety.  Embrace your sexual exploration, and take care of your mental health. 
• People may not want a relationship or romantic partner. Remember that not everyone you meet at a play party is seeking a romantic relationship. If you've exchanged contact information—especially after activities like Impact Play—it's generally okay to check in on them, see how they are after the scene, etc. Just be mindful that they might not be interested in dating.

For example, a host might contact attendees after the event to ensure everyone is okay and address any concerns; this isn't a flirty solicitation but a way to maintain a safe environment. By establishing and respecting boundaries within the community, you contribute to a space where everyone can thrive.

A respectful attitude is paramount at any play party. Following proper etiquette and staying safe makes the experience more enjoyable for everyone.

Are You Ready For Your First Sex Party? 

Many find that sex parties are less about the act itself and more about the community and the freedom to explore personal desires without judgment. The atmosphere is often one of support, respect, and sex-positivity. Overall, sex parties provide a safe space to delve into your sexuality, surrounded by like-minded individuals who value consent. 

By preparing ahead and approaching the event with an open mind, you'll be ready as you can be for this taboo experience. Whether you choose to participate or just observe, play parties are about creating connections, learning new things, and exploring your unique desires with others. 

The final part of the series - Part 4: FAQ’s and one person’s expectations vs reality.